The Reds Coming To Town?

It is confirmed. The Reds are coming to Singapore. Liverpool fans must be happy to hear this. Right? Wrong! Not this Liverpool fan, anyway. A tour of the Far East makes sense only if the team has won something (or anything) this season. They won nothing. Not even my sympathy. I would rather watch DPM Wong Kan Seng speak on television.

The last time Liverpool came to Singapore was more than 10 years ago. Coached by the has-been manager Graeme Souness, the star attraction then was Michael Owen, a promising upstart with huge potential. Or so it seemed. My daughter presented me with a copy of his autographed picture which made me a very happy man but not for long. Liverpool languished in the doldrums for years after that visit, forcing me to give that picture away (to my garbage collector, who else?) hoping things would 'turn around' for the better. I sincerely hope Liverpool do not go through that 10-year trophy-less cycle again after their upcoming trip to Singapore.

If Rafa is serious about mounting a challenge for the League title next year, his time can be better spent working out a good strategy and action plan, which should look something like this.

- call Jose Mourinho for tips on how to become the next Special One.

- attend an intensive course on social etiquette and basic manners.

- practise buy-low-sell-high stock market policy (and remember it is not the other way around).

- fire sale the old and useless players: Lucas, Dossena, Pennant, Ngog, Skrtel and those whose names are hard to pronounce.

- bring in an additional striker: David Villa or Samuel E'to or Carlos Teves or Didier Drogba or someone as ugly as them.

- strengthen the midfield with Gareth Barry or Glen Johnson.

- sign up Dennis Wise or Joey Barton (both unemployed) to toughen up the back four.

- buy a taller goalkeeper, or find some ways to add 8 inches to Pepe Reina's present height.

- beg, borrow or steal 40 million pounds to carry out all of the above, without which Liverpool stand no chance against the top 3 next year, the following year, ever. Sigh!